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by UmiHinode



Series: The Story is Eternal [14]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Violence, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2019-12-26 19:46:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18289019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmiHinode/pseuds/UmiHinode
Summary: For the first time in years, Anri dreams of her mother outside of the picture frame.





	Home

Anri didn't see her mother in dreams often.

For years, she had always been there, laughing and smiling like not a thing was wrong. That much was true in Anri's dreams. Every night, the same scene replayed in her mind: her birthday party, where her mother and father smiled as they presented her with gifts and a tasty birthday cake, and together they were the happiest family. For years, Anri had hoped and dreamed, but that party never became a reality. Now, it never could.

With time, she had grown to accept this, and slowly her mother and father began to fade. Now she dreamed of Ikebukuro, riding with Celty through the city at night, cosplaying with Erika, going to the mall with Mika like old times, and most importantly, she dreamed of the rooftop where Mikado, Masaomi, and Saki were always waiting for her.

Finally, she was free to dream of the future, no longer bound by her past.

Though the past could still come back to haunt her.

In her dream that night, Anri was a child again, settled in her mother's lap as Sayaka braided her hair, humming a lullaby as she did so. Humming soon turned to singing, and before she knew it, Anri was singing quietly along with her. It was so vivid that she almost mistook it for a memory, and she lost herself in her mother's warmth. How she wanted to turn around and hug her and never let go, but once that thought came to mind she could only watch from outside, forever a bystander in her own life.

"I'll always love you, my darling," Sayaka whispered, pressing a quick kiss to Anri's head.

Anri beamed, ignorant in all of her childlike glory as she replied, "Of course mommy! I'll always love you, too."

From outside the picture frame, Anri could see the melancholy masked behind Sayaka's smile.

"And I'll always be here for you," Sayaka added, running her fingers through Anri's hair, playing with the braids. "No matter what."

The younger Anri giggled. "You're being silly, mommy."

_Hug her._ She pleaded with her younger self, helplessly watching. It was only a matter of time before her father showed up and took Sayaka away from her. Fear tugged at her heart as she envisioned her father, consumed by rage and tearing the two apart, his hands digging into Sayaka's neck until she took her last breath.

Her father never showed up, and Anri released a sigh she didn't know she was holding. Before she knew it she was back in her mother's embrace, and she remained there with her until she woke up, tears streaming down her face.

It had been exactly seven years since that night, and it never got any easier.

How could it, when every day she bore the weight of her father's hands around her own neck, the bruises hidden by baggy sleeves and long skirts, the blood that soaked the floor of her childhood home as her father's eyes glassed over, the glowing red eyes of her mother as she drove Saika through her chest, and the blood that splattered across Anri's face as she helplessly watched?

How could it, when the very sword that took her beloved parents away from her now resided within her, making them one?

Granted, over time she had mostly accepted her relationship with Saika. Said relationship was nothing short of complicated, but it was a part of her now.

_"In order to save Saika, either you must wield total control and enslave her, or else you must relinquish all of yourself to her,"_ Kujiragi Kasane had said to her; clear, concise, and straight to the point. _"Sonohara-san, you're much too kind to both sides. You try to suppress Saika so that you won't hurt others. Meanwhile, you're unable to treat Saika like your slave. This path of coexistence with Saika you're searching for..."_ Kujiragi trailed off, meeting Anri's gaze over her cup of coffee. _"It's an act that will ultimately drive you into a corner. A virtuous person like you shouldn't be in possession of Saika."_

She shouldn't have been, but Saika was her burden to bear. Saika had spared her in the hands of her mother, and this was how she would repay the favor. Together, they would coexist, defying logic to do so. This was the life Anri had chosen, and she wouldn't go back on her word. She would coexist with the supernatural entity named Saika, and she would learn to love for herself.

Love, unfortunately, was ultimately a complicated concept that she still couldn't quite wrap her head around, even as the answer was right in front of her.

"Aaaaannnnrrriiii-chan," Masaomi droned, waving his hand in front of her face before promptly shoving his face in front of hers, bringing her back out of her thoughts. She wasn't in her childhood home any longer, instead welcomed by the comfort of Raira Academy's rooftop, and the friends that surrounded her. When Masaomi noticed her return to reality, he beamed and said, "Ah, there you are."

"Are you okay, Sono- Anri?" Mikado asked, blushing as he stumbled with her name for the umpteenth time. A week prior, Masaomi had insisted that the two drop all pretenses - ( _"It's been almost three years for crying out loud!"_ ) and naturally their polite natures gave them a rough time, leaving Masaomi to tease them every single time without fail. He nudged Mikado's shoulder as he took a seat beside him once again, and Mikado could only sigh.

"You're even more quiet today," Saki chimed in, and when Anri turned to face her she saw her friend's uncharacteristic frown. "And you've barely touched your lunch."

Flustered, Anri stared down at her lunch, her grip on her chopsticks near nonexistent. "I'm just not all that hungry. Sorry I worried you."

Even as the thoughts of her mother making her homecooked lunches when she was younger rested right on the tip of her tongue, she couldn't bring herself to say a word.

"Stop apologizing," Masaomi said in a tone both soothing and scolding as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. "We're your friends. It's our job to worry about you."

Looking up at Masaomi, she found the strength to reply, "Thank you."

Though the rest of their lunch period carried on like normal, Anri didn't have to turn around to feel Saki's gaze burning holes right through her. She said nothing, and carried her guilt close to her chest for the rest of the day, unable to find solace in anything. When she returned home from school, all of her obligations were afterthoughts. She curled up on her bed, still in her uniform, and closed her eyes. Without any comfort asleep or awake, Anri drifted in and out of consciousness, blankly staring at her wall when her eyes were open, and when they closed, she could only see her mother.

Each time, her image faded more. Once Anri realized this, she couldn't bear to close her eyes any more. Defeated, she sat up, gasping once she looked at her clock and realized just how much time had passed - and as someone rang her doorbell. Saika's tip rose from the palm of her hand as she crept towards the door, cautiously peeking outside.

Saika immediately receded once Anri saw Mikado's apprehensive face. "Mikado-kun? What are you doing here?"

Mikado blushed, intertwining his fingers as he searched for words he didn't have. Fortunately, two figures popped up from behind him, earning a sigh of relief from him and a startled cry from Anri.

"Hiii," Masaomi sang as he and Saki flanked either side of Mikado, resting their heads on his shoulders in a way that almost suggested the three had rehearsed their entrance, immediately disproven by Masaomi and Saki's general synchronicity.

With no further questions, Anri stepped aside so the three could enter. Masaomi took the lead with his head held high, briefly flashing a peace sign in contrast to Mikado and Saki, who both bowed their heads with quick murmurs of, "Pardon the intrusion" as they followed Masaomi. Anri wanted to smile as she watched them go, but her lips refused to move.

It was only then that Anri noticed just how much the three of them were carrying. Not a speck of wood from her tiny, barren dining table could be seen as bags of all shapes and sizes covered the surface. Bags of snacks, blankets, and DVDs caught her eye instantly, and without saying a word she turned to face her friends as they lingered in the corner, waiting for her approval to gather on her bed.

"Sorry for barging in like this," Mikado murmured, and Saki almost immediately added, "I'm not," only causing Mikado's blush to deepen. "Saki-san!" He protested, earning just a smile as a response. Defeated, Mikado continued, "We were really worried about you, so Masaomi suggested we stop by. I didn't think the two of them would go all out though..."

There was an almost terrifying glint in Saki's eyes as she said with that unwavering smile, "We're staying the night. You can't say no."

"I wouldn't say no even if I could," Anri replied, still unable to smile. "This will be my first sleepover."

"Really?" The trio harmonized.

The sparkle in Masaomi's eyes was nowhere near as threatening as Saki's had been. "And with boys too," he leered, immediately causing Mikado to shudder and for Saki to nudge him with her shoulder.

"Don't worry, Anri," Saki said, turning away from the boys. "If either of them try anything, I'll break their legs."

"Sakiiii," Masaomi whined. "How can you think so little of us?" Saki's only response was a half-hearted eye roll. Smiling, he added, "Besides, Mikado wouldn't have the guts."

"Hey!"

Saki laughed. "Would you?"

When Anri saw just how red his face was, she couldn't help but smile reassuringly, though she got more of a reaction out of Masaomi.

"There's that smile we know and love!"

Said smile immediately disappeared as Anri replied, "I'm sorry... I've really worried you all, haven't I?"

"Like Masaomi said, it's our job to worry about you," Mikado said as his rare confidence resurfaced. "Let's just have fun for now. No more worrying."

Masaomi rose from the bed, getting down on his knees and bowing in front of Mikado. "Thank you, O Great Mikado-sensei."

That managed to get a laugh out of everyone, even Anri. As she glanced over at her friends, Masaomi repeatedly bowing to pester Mikado even further, Mikado desperately trying to escape, turning his head only for Saki to wrap an arm around him and pull him close, laughing innocently all the while, Anri's heart ached with a feeling she couldn't name. In spite of everything they had faced, they were all so carefree. Nothing could hold them down any longer.

How she longed to be just like her precious saviors.

Seeing as it was Anri's first sleepover, her friends were determined to have not a second wasted, giving her little to no time to ruminate. Saki insisted on covering just about every middle school sleepover ritual known to man to make up for lost time, which was difficult considering the circumstances. Anri's apartment was rather small for a pillow fight, and considering both the presence of the boys and Anri's meek nature, truth or dare was a lost cause. Most of the night was instead dedicated to a movie marathon and devouring as much of the snacks as humanly possible. Anri tried to suggest making everyone a proper dinner, though they all immediately objected. Without a second thought, Saki sent Mikado and Masaomi down to Russia Sushi. Before they left, she whispered something to them that Anri couldn't quite make out, and before she knew it, they were gone, and the apartment was back to its usual silence.

"I'll make us some tea," Saki said, not giving Anri a chance to object as she gestured for her to stay seated. After a brief silence, she called out to Anri, "To think that the last time I was here I was threatening to burn your house down."

Anri blushed as she recalled that fateful night, and just how much things had changed since. Back then, Saki had been a complete stranger, and to realize now just how important she was to her tugged at her frail heartstrings. So much had changed, and yet she still couldn't tell if Saki had been joking that night or not. There was still so much she didn't know about her, or even Mikado or Masaomi. Cautiously, she asked, "So you weren't joking?"

Saki giggled. "That's a secret."

The only way to get closer was to open up and meet her halfway.

"Saki-san...thank you."

Saki left the tea to brew and took a seat across from Anri, meeting her gaze as she said, "You don't have to thank me. Besides, this was Masaomi's idea. I just...pushed him in the right direction."

In spite of her flustered fidgeting, Anri lacked her usual hesitance as she asked, "Can I tell you something?"

"I've been waiting all day."

She started from the beginning, with how, for a while, the Sonoharas were a happy family, and that happiness wasn't just a figment of Anri's imagination. She told of how, though she was too young to understand at the time, her father had become hooked on drugs. All the young Anri could see was the bruises her mother tried to cover up following an argument, and how those arguments didn't take long to become a daily occurrence.

As she spoke, right in front of her was her father, trying to steal her words away from her. She knew it wasn't her father, but the monster that had replaced him, though that didn't make it any easier to bear. Neither did the sight of her mother driving Saika through him, and then herself, right before her very eyes. Even still, she gripped Saika with both of her hands, the sword's mantra flowing through her veins and leaving her frozen. Saika spoke of love, and Anri wasn't sure that was something she'd ever feel again, if she was even allowed to.

"It was you who helped me see that, Saki-san," Anri said quietly, bowing her head. "I still struggle every day...but it's gotten easier, because of what you told me."

_"I just told you, I really have no clue how to love someone..."_

_"I'm just as clueless as you, you know. I'll bet there are fewer people who do get it. Before you know it, you find yourself in love with someone. Strange, isn't it?"_

_"But I have no right to..."_

_"But you do. Sonohara-san, you call yourself a parasite, but even if that were true, it's still okay for you to love someone."_

"Oh?" Saki drawled. "Would you say you love someone now?"

"H-Huh?" Anri stammered, eyes darting around the room anxiously. "I wouldn't say that..."

Saki leaned in closer. "Not even Mikado?" Anri was stunned into silence, staring down at her hands, unable to meet Saki's gaze. Saki laughed and added, "What about Masaomi? Or me?"

"You're all...my precious friends," Anri finally replied, still unable to look up.

Saki rose from her seat, traipsing to the other side of the table and throwing herself down beside Anri, pulling her into a hug. "You love us."

"Saki-san...!" Anri gasped, attempting (admittedly weakly) to break free of her grasp.

"Don't you mean Saki-chan?"

Anri didn't have a chance to respond as both girls heard the door open and as Masaomi and Mikado reappeared in the doorway.

"Oh? What do we have here?" Masaomi teased just as Mikado asked, "What's that smell?"

Saki immediately released Anri, jumping up and rushing over to the minuscule kitchen. "The tea!"

. . .

One narrowly avoided fire, Russia Sushi meal, and Hanejima Yuuhei film later and Masaomi and Saki had fallen asleep on the floor in front of Anri's bed, the credits to the movie enough to put them both to sleep as it played on Masaomi's laptop, half resting on Masaomi's thigh, the other half on Saki's. Mikado was yawning himself as he rose from the bed, tiptoeing over to the sleeping pair and turning the laptop off, setting it down on the floor beside them.

"We should probably get some sleep ourselves," he whispered as he reached for the bag of blankets, retrieving two and draping one over the couple before wrapping the other around himself.

"Mikado-kun..." Anri started, though as soon as he faced her, anything she might have said was lost to the night.

_"Not even Mikado?"_

The sound of her heart pounding reverberated in her ears as she held her hands tightly to her stomach, only managing to say, "Good night."

"Good night," he echoed, flashing her a brief, warm smile before he laid his blanket out on the floor, curling up and closing his eyes, out like a light moments later. Anri's gaze lingered on him for a moment, wondering just what she would have said. What _could_ she say to him?

For now, she just needed the three of them there with her. Nothing more, nothing less.

. . .

She didn't dream of her parents that night.

When she entered her world of dreams, it was a land of nothingness, but there was a warmth to it; a warmth eerily reminiscent of her mother. As she traversed this land of darkness, it wasn't her mother she found, nor was it her friends.

_Love. I want to love._

"Saika?" Anri called, reaching out into the darkness, Saika's hilt entering her hand as if it were made to be there.

_I can love._

"But can I?"

_You love them._

_"Before you know it, you find yourself in love with someone. Strange, isn't it?"_

Anri awoke with a jolt, clutching her chest. Flustered, she glanced around the room, though Mikado was still asleep, and when she crawled to the foot of her bed to check on Masaomi and Saki, they were still asleep as well. With a relieved sigh, she retreated under her covers, closing her eyes only to be greeted by Saika once again, this time consciously.

_Love. I want to love._ She repeated. Anri tensed, her mind hurriedly trying to come up with excuses, even now.

_It's okay._

For just a moment, Anri could have sworn she heard Sayaka among the sea of voices that was Saika.

_Mom?_ She cried out, though there was no reply.

Those words repeated in her mind. _It's okay. It's okay. It's okay._

She was crying before she knew it.

"Anri?"

She immediately froze as she heard Mikado's voice, and she instinctively pulled the covers up to shield her face. Not that doing so would stop him from scrambling to his feet, rubbing his eyes and taking a seat at the edge of the bed.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," she whispered, sniffling and hurriedly wiping her tears away before pulling the covers off. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, don't apologize!" Mikado insisted. He outstretched his hand to her, though he froze, his hand instead falling back to his lap.

The only way to get closer was to open up and meet him halfway.

And so, she reached out, placing her hand over his. The second their hands met, both of them blushed profusely.

"A-A-Anri?!"

Anri giggled softly, the last of her sniffles coming out with her laugh.

"Looks like you owe me 5000 yen."

Anri and Mikado flinched, turning at the sound of the voice from the other side of the bed. When they looked, Masaomi and Saki were resting their shoulders on the edge of the bed, Saki nudging a yawning Masaomi as she spoke.

"Man. I believed in you, Mikado!" Masaomi whined, putting his head down.

Grinning, Saki kissed his hair and murmured, "Always expect the unexpected."

Mikado looked back at Anri, Anri looked back at him, and together they managed to smile.

Sonohara Anri had no clue how to love someone, but that didn't mean it would be impossible.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been a long time coming! How long ago did I say I was going to write Symbiosis...? Heh. I got really, really emotional over the Raira Trio/Quartet earlier last month and I knew I had to write something for them. Initially this was just going to be a cute, fluffy sleepover fic - and the angst appeared. I really wanted to explore Anri's struggle with learning how to let herself be loved. I think another part of her hesitance is not only her believing that she's a parasite, but the fact that when she did love someone, she lost them. Both of them. She's still nowhere near having closure, but she's at least taking that first step forward. I hope I did her justice.
> 
> Now for the usual sappy announcement session! It's really been a whole year since I started this little series... To think that I'm still writing it! I never would have imagined being able to do that, even this time last year. I've had so much fun doing it, though. So, I want to say thank you to all of you for supporting me on this journey. I'm just getting started, and I'm curious to see what I can achieve in the next year!
> 
> The next fic on my to do list is for a certain someone's birthday coming up... His birthday falls right in the middle of exam week though, so we'll see. I'm having a little too much fun with it, so maybe that's a good sign.
> 
> Anyway, as always, thank you so much for reading! ♥ Every kudos, bookmark, and comment means the absolute world to me.


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